It took me ten years to learn how to knit.
I started when my sister’s oldest girl was born. For some reason, partly me being a nana and partly a belief in the magical powers of YouTube, I was convinced I’d be able to make her a cute little hat. But I was a terrible knitter and I didn’t know how to read a knitting pattern. Progress stalled.
When the pandemic happened and everyone else was baking and doing Tik Tok dances I decided to learn how to crochet. I started out pretty bad. I couldn’t fathom how you could turn a loop into a thing? A chain can be turned into something three dimensional. You can crochet in any direction. It’s a new way of thinking compared to using knitting needles. After staring at the stitches for long enough you start to figure out where to put your hook – a strange kind of intuition, you feel where the next stitch goes. I got better really fast. Way faster than ten years. In a few days I had a granny square. Life goal achieved! New hobby unlocked! And then I figured out how to read a crochet pattern. Which helped me to read knitting patterns. Over the next few years I’d happily crochet and knit each member of my immediate family at least one hat or scarf or fuchsia balaclava (a Christmas present for my brother, who specifically requested bright pink). I’ve made hats and scarves and shawls for my friends. I even made my nana a sweater.
Flash forward to this year. It’s been a long winter, and I haven’t made a thing.
I don’t know why I’ve been so un-creative this year. It’s probably the least creative I’ve been in years. Which is a really scary thing to say as I’m a month deep in Te Papa Tupu, a literal creative writing incubator.
Today I decided to start a crochet project. Crochet is much more accessible than knitting because all you need is a hook and a ball of yarn. You don’t need to cast on ten thousand stitches and then knit forever. To make a bucket hat you start with a loop and build out in rounds. It’s easier to manage. Hopefully, by the time I go to the next writing workshop I’ll have a hat that I can wear.
What does this have to do with writing, and my first blog post?
Casting on a new project made me realise that I’m still really good at crochet. My fingers could feel where the stitches were. I knew how to read the pattern. At the end of twenty minutes I had a circle that fit in the palm of my hand. I had made a thing. Or at least the start of a thing.
All I needed to do was pick up a hook and make a loop. I sometimes worry when I don’t get writing time in for a while that I won’t know what to do when I get back into my manuscript. But it’s never as scary as I think it is. And when I don’t have time to write, I read about writing. Mostly though, I try to write a little every day.
I think I’m starting to figure out how to feel my way through a draft. It’s a growing awareness of where the beats are. Where I might add detail or nuance, flesh something out a bit more to make a character or a scene or a relationship more three dimensional. It’s writing, thinking about writing, talking about writing with my mentor, journalling and reading, which all combine at the moment to a feeling that I’m heading in the right direction. That this could be a thing.
I’m so honored to be a part of Te Papa Tupu because for the first time in my life I am embracing the fullness of being a Māori writer, and not just a speculative fiction writer who also happens to be Māori. I’m putting the Māori part first. It feels amazing.
But there’s another reason why I’m thinking about embracing my Māoritanga more. I’m writing this blog post on the last day of the tangihanga for Kiingi Tuheitia Pootatau Te Wherowhero VII. Today we said goodbye to Kiingi Tuheitia and welcomed Nga Wai Hono i te Po as our new Kuini. It’s a day Māoridom will never forget. It’s a day I will never forget.
One of the messages that has resonated with me the most over this past week was the speech that Kiingi Tuheitia gave at the hui-ā-iwi earlier this year, where he urged us all to just be Māori. Be Māori all day, every day.
At Koroneihana, a few short weeks ago, Kiingi Tuheitia spoke again of being Māori, tikanga Māori, and embracing our culture as a vehicle for kotahitanga. Maybe my little part of that is being as Māori as I can be in my writing. Showing up every day and writing, embracing the joy of being on a programme designed to support Māori writers and help them tell Māori stories. It’s one way of being Māori every day, and honoring the legacy of such a humble and respected leader.
Moe mai rā e te rangatira.
First we need to dream, be creative, sing waiata, let our culture flow – Kiingi Tuheitia, 2024
